I should have
known that posting that video as my theme song for this year was going to come
back and bite me. It’s how things go for
most of us sometimes. I decided to really
make the best of this year and to try and do things differently to get a better
outcome. As soon as I started putting
that decision into practice, things started going a little bit down hill and it’s
been a bit bumpy since.
A couple
Sundays ago, as I was organizing my paperwork to do my taxes, we notice a not
so good odor coming from the basement and the general vicinity of the
(relatively new) furnace. UGH! After some inspecting and John venturing into
the crawl space it was determined that there was something blocking the
chimney. So, we gather all kinds of
tools and supplies and off he goes back into the crawl space to see what he can
do to avoid an expensive Sunday service call.
As he is doing that, I finally got my act together and did my taxes…all
3 returns all by myself. I figured out which state return to file first (I live
in one state and work in another), navigated my way around TurboTax and rocked
it all out in 2 hours (by which time John has declared the issue fixed and we
are on our way to getting the house back to warm). I turn around from the computer to share the
good news and promptly notice that the (only 7 year old) TV we’ve had playing
in the background does not look right. Not
only does it not look right, it looks really bad. And it resists any attempts to fix the
picture. Lovely. There goes 1/3 of the refund that I JUST
found out I was getting! Off we go to
get a new TV (and that’s a whole different story to tell!) and have a nice
lunch.
John has been
sent up to Maine to work more than usual and for longer stretches, so it’s been
just me and the pup at home. And that
makes everyone a little bit stressed.
My newish boss
has been having some growing pains settling into this new firm and his new position
and he’s been sharing the frustration.
This does not making going to work each day fun and it’s getting a
little bit old. Hopefully this phase
will pass and the office can go back to being some place I really don’t mind
going every day.
I woke up
Saturday morning to a text from my sister asking me to call her when I get the
message. Never a good thing. And it wasn’t. Someone
I once loved…spent 4 years with…almost married…had died. At 48. I haven’t seen him in over 20 years, but it is
makes me very sad to know the path he chose to walk and how his life
ended. I cannot comprehend not being able to get out
of your own way and make choices that are consistently bad for you with profound
repercussions. I cannot imagine how hard
this is on his family. I know they did
their best (as did I when we were together) to help him with his demons. But no one can solve someone else’s problems
for them no matter how hard they try. My
heart is heavy and I truly hope that his soul is at peace now.
All of these
little bumps combined with the ridiculous mid-life worries I’m trying to work
through have put me in a funk that I am having a hard time snapping out of. Even a little retail therapy with my friend
yesterday filled with lots of scrapping supplies and inspiration couldn’t do
it. Still crabby and cranky and still
wishing for a little lightness in my step.
I know that “this too shall pass”, but I’d like it to pass now.
Tomorrow is a
new day and another chance to find the sunshine. I’m going to try to do just that.
